Am I happy or are we happy with each other?

So many things had happened for the past few weeks and I am also tired to come here and type more. Maybe it is pointless to ponder over it.

Private time without the kids:
We used to spend time together once a while without the kids and enjoy each other company. However, things did not turn out well. He will blame me for passing nasty remark on him and we will squabble as usual and had an unhappy night. I told him we can forget about it as no point since we both dont enjoy it at all especially him.

Holding hands:
When we are out without the kids, he will have his hands stuck in his pockets and walk with his head up high as if he is the king!! We will not match each other footstep and I bet no one will know we are couple at all, I am not surprised. I always see other couples regardless of age holding hands and my own husband does not even have the slightest idea that this is the norm. He only will criticise me, lecture me or even ignore me.

Nowadays, we dont have much things to say to each other, maybe that way is better as he cant seem to stand me and we always have different views!!

I now realise that we stay together in this marriage purely for the sake of the kids ! Well, I will try to endure and if any such affair happen or any unhappiness, I wont hesitate to forsake this marriage!!

Another blow?

I got another blow yesterday. I happened to see my hubby's hp with those smses "Hi baby......", obviously to a woman!
When I confronted hin, he denied. He even swears by it.
He seems so determined that he did not do so?
I nearly have another breakdown!
I know he wont admit as he knew the consequence this time and who in his right mind will dare to confess? I really hope is not real too.

He claims it is due to my depression, I know I have this depression on and off and almost every night I cried myself to sleep. Yesterday, I again swallowed several pill and leading to stomach upset terribly. I hit my head on the chair! But is it worth it? Is it worth to hand on to a man if he is not true to his wife?
My coming birthday wish is to have a lasting marriage with no more betrayal from my hubby and my two gals with happy lives.

I do not mind exchange my life to ensure my gals' happiness. Maybe I am the problematic one leading to the marriage turn out this way!

I hope this is not the last blog from myself and wish me luck!

I am utterly depressed and feel hopeless!

Should I stay or dissolve this marriage? Why my dream of a happy marriage shatter so fast? Is it my fault? Then we should not have got married and even have kids?

I f I really don't love him like what he feels, then why I endure all these years? Is t because I cannot live without him? or for the sake of the kids? Even he feels the kids a complete family but we are just putting an act, aren't we?

To make me happy is to satisfy me on bed and that is his thinking too ??????????????????????maybe i am a qualified and legal "slut" to me that he does not need to hide and can do it openly.................

I really feel like ending my life ! Since the kids also suffer if we stay and not in agreement, should I take them away with me? At least we can live happily together without any worries!! But my parent how?

At times, I really can't control especially when the gals irritate me, I am enduring and enduring and enduring and enduring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can't he give me the assurance that he is absolute genuine and true to me! I really want to believe him and love him 100% but how do I do it? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
What should I do?

Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am crying in front of the pc again and when my gal is with me, save me from shedding any more tears, kill those idiot men who want to bad influence others and kill those sluts out there who is out to destroy other marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kill them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then the world is perfect!!
Ask them go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


what will my husband think or feel when he reads my post?

he will claim I am crazy and a woman with no feeling??? Yes, I am always a failure to him, ungrateful woman, lousy on bed, not filial to my parents, not a good mother and wife, I am nothing!!!!!!! Then why should I be on this earth??

Third child??

I keep having this thought on and off and if he deserves it to have another child? Yes, at times, I want to have another one but I am put off by what was in the past. I am for it before he betrayed me. I will definitely try for another one!

I am scared of the initial suffering, the labour pain and tiredness after that. Does he understand? there is a big difference between the first and second born? The big sacrifice I went through and then the big surprise from him?

Any woman willing to go through the same "ordeal" again despite what happen?

I dont know as down the road, things might get better or worse depend on the trust and guarantee he has promised me.

I might go for third one but if things went wrong again, I won't hesitate to do thing to make him regret for life.

Truth or Lies

Another fateful day for me when he was overseas. I discovered his msn messages by chance that he visited those Health Centre (unclean) with his friends!

He denied strongly but given this "evidence", who would think is not real? How do you expect me to believe him 100%?

I would love to believe him but this is not the first time, what does he want from this marriage? I can tell he seems to be hiding something from me and anyway, I believe in retribution and I dont wish to "curse" anyone. I m not cursing my own husband but if he is really at fault, I got nothing to say.

I just want a faithful and honest husband and is it so difficult? he asked me to find someone else who will be faithful to me till his last breathe I guess? In his mind, he thinks is not possible but if I can do it, why not him?

I really want to let him have a taste of "betrayal" but is it worth it? I don't know yet. Should I also be frivolous and have fun out there?

I am truly very upset and depressed about it and many sleepless nights will kick in again..luckily the school holiday is on the way if not I am going to break down sooner or later with work, the kids, my mother, the maid and my hubby (gods know what he is doing out there).

Faithful??

After I discovered his affair, he promised to be faithful and he swears he will not hurt me again.

Now, I have doubts about his words. Can he really resist the temptation? Once bitten, twice shy, is this true? So far, he claimed he has not done anything and I hope he will stay that way forever. I don't want him to do it behind my back again and this time round, I wont be so forgiving anymore.

Why do I think so? because he will always say things like he can satisfy women easily and all women love to have sex with him. He will also say things like most men have done that and to me, why are you telling me all these? Are you saying what you have done is the "norm'? I should not have made a big fuss out of it and I should instead appraise you for that??

Nowadays, I discourage him from going to Pub, KTV, massage parlour etc as there are so many temptations out there and the best solution is to avoid them. You don't go near the mine field if you are worried about stepping on them.

He claimed he had high sexual desire and I am also human, how do I fully satisfy him? Only people who are after money will do a great job!

If you don't have the opportunity, what chances will arise from it?

Am I wrong to say so?

Love him?

maybe some of you will ask me whether I still love him?

Do I ? If there is no love, then it is difficult to stay together. I admit there is but I need time to slowly regain and commit to it.

I feel he is not loving me as much and I guess this is understood. He has "loved" someone before and what more do I expect him to return to me 100%?

If he has loved me 100% in the first place, would he have done that? Is it just lust? Or just fling? But won't the family and our long-standing relationship overcome his lust or desire?

What does he want?

My Family

Our marriage before having the two girls was fine. We had great overseas holiday and spent time together. After our first child, things were getting along ok until our second child came along.

I guess when two parties are together too long, the spark is no longer so "bright" and especially when your wife is pregnant and looks clumsy and not attractive, then another woman who came along and everything went "pop". Or I guess he is not happy that he is having another girl again. I can vividly remember his response when I asked him to accompany me to the clinic for scanning. That nonchalant attitude and used busy work as reason.

Can you imagine your husband fetching his lover right in your presence and act nothing? Can you imagine they left you at home alone eating packet food especially for pregnant woman who need nourishment and they enjoyed themselves outside and rocked the bed?

I will never forget that fateful day and it was a great blow to me. My trusted husband actually betrayed me and sent me to the bottom of the world. It is a long story as it is a double blow after all. Till now, he kept lamenting why I have changed and behaved in a certain way, I guess he has long forgot how much I have suffered during that period of time.

I buried in tears at night, hated to conceive this child and wanted to end my life. I am very despaired and life to me has lost its meaning. The person whom I trusted and entrust to has become another person, he has hurt me and embraced another woman.

Up to this moment, how do I put my mind at ease and you think it is easy to live with it? Is it easy not to have your mind wander what my hubby is doing outside and is he meeting that woman?

One day, when my two girls have grown up, should I tell them their daddy 's affair or leave it to him to say? or maybe we just bury it if we stay together happily and without any regret?

He is not happy with me again!

This morning, I went to work with my hubby, taking a ride from him, glad to spend time with him as he worked late till midnight.

But along the way, we squabbled again. This is not the first time. I just asked him about whether Friday he no need to work late and he was unhappy. He said I am questioning him about something, I should ask him in a nicer way.

I feel speechless and heart-sank. very stress to talk to own husband. He feels I am controlling him a lot so if I ask about his work too much, he is not happy. As a wife, I should just follow his orders and not probe too much or we should just simply avoid each other or rather don't talk face to face.