Am I happy or are we happy with each other?

So many things had happened for the past few weeks and I am also tired to come here and type more. Maybe it is pointless to ponder over it.

Private time without the kids:
We used to spend time together once a while without the kids and enjoy each other company. However, things did not turn out well. He will blame me for passing nasty remark on him and we will squabble as usual and had an unhappy night. I told him we can forget about it as no point since we both dont enjoy it at all especially him.

Holding hands:
When we are out without the kids, he will have his hands stuck in his pockets and walk with his head up high as if he is the king!! We will not match each other footstep and I bet no one will know we are couple at all, I am not surprised. I always see other couples regardless of age holding hands and my own husband does not even have the slightest idea that this is the norm. He only will criticise me, lecture me or even ignore me.

Nowadays, we dont have much things to say to each other, maybe that way is better as he cant seem to stand me and we always have different views!!

I now realise that we stay together in this marriage purely for the sake of the kids ! Well, I will try to endure and if any such affair happen or any unhappiness, I wont hesitate to forsake this marriage!!