actually what is the point of saying them out when we cannot even talk face to face?

What I have done to improve? WHAT HAVE YOU ALSO DONE TO IMPROVE?
1)did I bother you when the first thing you reach home weekend is to play ur game? after work, t night when you are tired you can lie flat on bed and fall alseep, I have to attend to them even tired and sick. did you bother to ask I need help?
2)who take care of the kids when you are busy at work? why did you say I better live long enough to take care of them ? why you cannot do the job?
3) who handle the maid's issue?
4)who take care of the kids' well being? eg lesson etc
5)yes, sometimes i did not communicate to you patiently but did we make an effort to communicate daily? I realise the less often we communicate , the more difficult we try to talk
6)I might not have totally appreciate what you have done but did you to me so far? you will appreciate what the maid did but me?
7)I am not patient and easily frustrated but i have no right to lose control? even you say maid can lose control.
8)were you passionate and loving to me at all? (you just recall the times when we are dating, I guess once you got hold of something you won't treasure as much as you used to be)
9)í did sms you at times to ask u about work and lunch what I get is sarcastic remark that I am checking on you. By the way, I have not receive any from you so far. You can be busy but depend on who you prefer to sms to.
10)Did I not offer help and advice to your family member? what more do you want me to do for them? If you are busy, then I am not right? I remember when I was pregn and I was teaching a pri 2 class, you commented that my job sucks as I not busy like the rest cos i am teaching lower pri. You can think likewise and I cannot and when I point out it is not true you will show your undispleasure and then start howling.
that day we talk about ailing bil treat, I just casual mention and you have make one big round and insult me. i cannot even voice my opinion to my husband and he has to critise me instead.
11) who left the things lying around despite my nagging and then I have to give up and put them back in place.
12)I admit I have my pride too and you always like to raise your voice first even in front of the maid and the kids. Did you think of me?
13)after your affair, did i make a big hooha in front of your family or your relative? I am sure some of them are still kept in the dark knowing your grandma and you are full of pride people. She still dare to mention about having third child despite what I went through, talking about your family support for me..sama sama
14) whatever you do outside I have no clue and you dont even share so why blame me for being suspicious?
15)I make an effort to buy you birthday gift and at least the surprise element is there. What about you, answer is I am busy lor no time to buy. 2 years ago you also claimed to be "busy".
16) do i use those harsh words on you when we quarrel? who started using them even in front of the kids? even normal days the 4 letters words also come out of your mouth, talking about role model and telling me to be one.
17)what do you actually want from me? is it you want me to be 100% obedient?
18) when i was preg, i have to cope with the big tummy and new maid and mom, then i cannot even pour out my frustration on you? it shows how understanding you are to your wife. You can relate your problem to someone and not your wife. the problem is not in me is you. You like want to be in control of woman esp in bed. Even the slut and you blame me for what happened and never the fault of the 2 of you!!

DIVORCE OR DEATH OR DISAPPEAR

I have been thinking after our heated argument today.

Option 1: divorce and live with the kids
Option 2:just leave the world and away from all these pain and misery
Option 3:leave the world with my kids
Option 4:still stay on but got happiness?

what is he not happy with me? he will scream and shout at me over slightest thing, even in front of our kids, all his hurling and shouting. He likes to interpret another way what i mean and say now.

Is it worth to stay together? I am just there because the kids need me.

There is no sms today about my sickness and I also need to work and handle my mom, maid and the kids once i got home.

What about him? He is free, he will spend time with them, if he is not free he will be frustrated and we better stay clear.

He is tired and he can lie flat on bed. He earns more so he has more power in this house.
How many time has he often to help me with the kids?
So does it matter if we stay or not stay together?
I guess the final decision is confirmed, better go our own way than to suffer as he cannot tolerate me anymore.

Why he can put up with other less deserving woman who seduce other people and do they worht more than me?

Once we settle our divorce, I will not hestitate to disclose all their identity. I have been very tolerating and my hubby thinks i am a coward, always say divorce but no action. He always think little of me, I know. I did so much for the kids but in his mind they are worthless.

divorce

I know is matter of time and we endure each other for the sake of the kids only. What is the point? I already hold my tongue and he also not happy. I whole day dont receive his sms or msn and when i did that to him, he will find me a nag!

Nothing can be discussed between the two of us anymore.

We dont seem to have common things to talk about.

he complained about my blog and if you have nothing to hide, why bother?

he cannot stand me!

I already can tell he cannot stand me and of course how can I compare to those soft spoken and young ones out there?
Who dont have fantasy and if you have no self-control, you are as good as the beasts out there!
When we talk, we will quarrel as he will say I am scolding or interrogating him. As if he sounds very nice to me!
When we go out, who will know we are couple as he will show his air and forget about him holding my hands or even any part of me.
His lover once commented he is the most caring and gentle person haha...as his wife, he is not even gentle to me!

no communication

been thinking is it best not to tal to each other ? the only means of communication are email or sms?
What does he want as a wfie? his ideal wife?
Maybe those women out there even hookers are better than his wife.
his wife is just nonsense to him.

Am I happy or are we happy with each other?

So many things had happened for the past few weeks and I am also tired to come here and type more. Maybe it is pointless to ponder over it.

Private time without the kids:
We used to spend time together once a while without the kids and enjoy each other company. However, things did not turn out well. He will blame me for passing nasty remark on him and we will squabble as usual and had an unhappy night. I told him we can forget about it as no point since we both dont enjoy it at all especially him.

Holding hands:
When we are out without the kids, he will have his hands stuck in his pockets and walk with his head up high as if he is the king!! We will not match each other footstep and I bet no one will know we are couple at all, I am not surprised. I always see other couples regardless of age holding hands and my own husband does not even have the slightest idea that this is the norm. He only will criticise me, lecture me or even ignore me.

Nowadays, we dont have much things to say to each other, maybe that way is better as he cant seem to stand me and we always have different views!!

I now realise that we stay together in this marriage purely for the sake of the kids ! Well, I will try to endure and if any such affair happen or any unhappiness, I wont hesitate to forsake this marriage!!

Another blow?

I got another blow yesterday. I happened to see my hubby's hp with those smses "Hi baby......", obviously to a woman!
When I confronted hin, he denied. He even swears by it.
He seems so determined that he did not do so?
I nearly have another breakdown!
I know he wont admit as he knew the consequence this time and who in his right mind will dare to confess? I really hope is not real too.

He claims it is due to my depression, I know I have this depression on and off and almost every night I cried myself to sleep. Yesterday, I again swallowed several pill and leading to stomach upset terribly. I hit my head on the chair! But is it worth it? Is it worth to hand on to a man if he is not true to his wife?
My coming birthday wish is to have a lasting marriage with no more betrayal from my hubby and my two gals with happy lives.

I do not mind exchange my life to ensure my gals' happiness. Maybe I am the problematic one leading to the marriage turn out this way!

I hope this is not the last blog from myself and wish me luck!