he cannot stand me!

I already can tell he cannot stand me and of course how can I compare to those soft spoken and young ones out there?
Who dont have fantasy and if you have no self-control, you are as good as the beasts out there!
When we talk, we will quarrel as he will say I am scolding or interrogating him. As if he sounds very nice to me!
When we go out, who will know we are couple as he will show his air and forget about him holding my hands or even any part of me.
His lover once commented he is the most caring and gentle person haha...as his wife, he is not even gentle to me!

no communication

been thinking is it best not to tal to each other ? the only means of communication are email or sms?
What does he want as a wfie? his ideal wife?
Maybe those women out there even hookers are better than his wife.
his wife is just nonsense to him.

Am I happy or are we happy with each other?

So many things had happened for the past few weeks and I am also tired to come here and type more. Maybe it is pointless to ponder over it.

Private time without the kids:
We used to spend time together once a while without the kids and enjoy each other company. However, things did not turn out well. He will blame me for passing nasty remark on him and we will squabble as usual and had an unhappy night. I told him we can forget about it as no point since we both dont enjoy it at all especially him.

Holding hands:
When we are out without the kids, he will have his hands stuck in his pockets and walk with his head up high as if he is the king!! We will not match each other footstep and I bet no one will know we are couple at all, I am not surprised. I always see other couples regardless of age holding hands and my own husband does not even have the slightest idea that this is the norm. He only will criticise me, lecture me or even ignore me.

Nowadays, we dont have much things to say to each other, maybe that way is better as he cant seem to stand me and we always have different views!!

I now realise that we stay together in this marriage purely for the sake of the kids ! Well, I will try to endure and if any such affair happen or any unhappiness, I wont hesitate to forsake this marriage!!

Another blow?

I got another blow yesterday. I happened to see my hubby's hp with those smses "Hi baby......", obviously to a woman!
When I confronted hin, he denied. He even swears by it.
He seems so determined that he did not do so?
I nearly have another breakdown!
I know he wont admit as he knew the consequence this time and who in his right mind will dare to confess? I really hope is not real too.

He claims it is due to my depression, I know I have this depression on and off and almost every night I cried myself to sleep. Yesterday, I again swallowed several pill and leading to stomach upset terribly. I hit my head on the chair! But is it worth it? Is it worth to hand on to a man if he is not true to his wife?
My coming birthday wish is to have a lasting marriage with no more betrayal from my hubby and my two gals with happy lives.

I do not mind exchange my life to ensure my gals' happiness. Maybe I am the problematic one leading to the marriage turn out this way!

I hope this is not the last blog from myself and wish me luck!

I am utterly depressed and feel hopeless!

Should I stay or dissolve this marriage? Why my dream of a happy marriage shatter so fast? Is it my fault? Then we should not have got married and even have kids?

I f I really don't love him like what he feels, then why I endure all these years? Is t because I cannot live without him? or for the sake of the kids? Even he feels the kids a complete family but we are just putting an act, aren't we?

To make me happy is to satisfy me on bed and that is his thinking too ??????????????????????maybe i am a qualified and legal "slut" to me that he does not need to hide and can do it openly.................

I really feel like ending my life ! Since the kids also suffer if we stay and not in agreement, should I take them away with me? At least we can live happily together without any worries!! But my parent how?

At times, I really can't control especially when the gals irritate me, I am enduring and enduring and enduring and enduring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can't he give me the assurance that he is absolute genuine and true to me! I really want to believe him and love him 100% but how do I do it? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
What should I do?

Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am crying in front of the pc again and when my gal is with me, save me from shedding any more tears, kill those idiot men who want to bad influence others and kill those sluts out there who is out to destroy other marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kill them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then the world is perfect!!
Ask them go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


what will my husband think or feel when he reads my post?

he will claim I am crazy and a woman with no feeling??? Yes, I am always a failure to him, ungrateful woman, lousy on bed, not filial to my parents, not a good mother and wife, I am nothing!!!!!!! Then why should I be on this earth??

Third child??

I keep having this thought on and off and if he deserves it to have another child? Yes, at times, I want to have another one but I am put off by what was in the past. I am for it before he betrayed me. I will definitely try for another one!

I am scared of the initial suffering, the labour pain and tiredness after that. Does he understand? there is a big difference between the first and second born? The big sacrifice I went through and then the big surprise from him?

Any woman willing to go through the same "ordeal" again despite what happen?

I dont know as down the road, things might get better or worse depend on the trust and guarantee he has promised me.

I might go for third one but if things went wrong again, I won't hesitate to do thing to make him regret for life.

Truth or Lies

Another fateful day for me when he was overseas. I discovered his msn messages by chance that he visited those Health Centre (unclean) with his friends!

He denied strongly but given this "evidence", who would think is not real? How do you expect me to believe him 100%?

I would love to believe him but this is not the first time, what does he want from this marriage? I can tell he seems to be hiding something from me and anyway, I believe in retribution and I dont wish to "curse" anyone. I m not cursing my own husband but if he is really at fault, I got nothing to say.

I just want a faithful and honest husband and is it so difficult? he asked me to find someone else who will be faithful to me till his last breathe I guess? In his mind, he thinks is not possible but if I can do it, why not him?

I really want to let him have a taste of "betrayal" but is it worth it? I don't know yet. Should I also be frivolous and have fun out there?

I am truly very upset and depressed about it and many sleepless nights will kick in again..luckily the school holiday is on the way if not I am going to break down sooner or later with work, the kids, my mother, the maid and my hubby (gods know what he is doing out there).